Chapter Five

Sometimes you have to change your mind to understand.

Yeah, if you're a brain dead monster.

  "I will kill you! I swear I will kill you for this Alice!" I shouted at her.

  I knew it didn't help, but what had she done? She ruined my plan of giving Jake a normal life.

  "You'll thank me, perhaps not now, but maybe in fifty-sixty years. Trust me Bella, it wasn't the right choice of leaving, and you know that yourself." Alice answered me. She didn't feel guilty; I could hear it on her voice. She will regret this!

  "Oh, Of course you know what the right choice is for us?" I screamed at her, I was really angry.  "You don't even see his future! You don't know anything!"

  I could hear Jake walk out of the forest on two feet, either he just ran unchanged or he changed before he came out the forest. But, he usually changes before he comes out of the forest.

  "Well, now you two can talk about it together. We'll se what he thinks." Alice said and walked past me nonchalantly. I just wanted to rip her apart!

  "Eh, we'll let you two guys talk alone. Come on Rose, let's go." Emmett said and dragged Rosalie with him when he walked after Alice out through door. The door just had time to close until Jake walked in through it.

  "What's wrong?" he said and I both heard and saw in his face-expression that he was really worried.

  I guess he has had time to think when he ran here about what's wrong. How could I tell him the truth? It would only hurt him. Maybe if I would run... No, that's just cruel. He would get hurt if I just ran out the door and leave him. But If I don't leave now I might not e able to leave him.

  "Eh, nothing" I said just trying to calm him down, but he just seemed to get more worried. What would I tell him? He deserved the truth, or would that just hurt him? Yes it would, but then what would I tell him?

  "Bella, I'm not stupid! What's going on?" He said and looked at me in a way that made me feel guilty. I looked down on a spot at the floor "Alice called me and said that I needed to come over here as soon as possible, or you would to something that would hurt us both."

  I wanted to tell him the whole truth, but would that just hurt him, right?

  He walked towards me but stopped when I looked him in the eyes. What did he see in my face expression? Was it anger, sadness or something else? I couldn't tell.

  "Bella, what's wrong? Please tell me. Have I done anything wrong or-" I needed to interrupt him there; he was not allowed to blame himself for anything that involved in.

  "You haven't done anything wrong. It's me; I have done everything wrong in every way that there is." Well, that's not a lie. But still that's just a part of the truth.

  "What now? I don't follow. I asked..." He thought for half a second "Why would you have done anything wrong, if I might ask? If there is someone that has broken the rules it is me. You have always thought of me, and you've always been careful, Bella."

  I couldn't say a word, he thought he had done several thing wrong, and I hadn't done anything wrong. That's just stupid, sick, un-right... How could he even think something like that?

  "Jake, have you been running into trees lately?" If he had been doing that it would explain why he is so stupid.

  "No, why would I?" He looked really surprised by the question. Well, who wouldn't?

  "You've lost your mind! You do never ever blame yourself and make me appear like the good one here. I'm the one who should be blamed, not you!" I felt enough angry as it was, but when Jake begun to laugh I just lost my mind. "What the hell is so funny?" I screamed at him. Why did he laugh? That's just stupid, and rude.

  "It's just that you always blame yourself for everything. That's not very healthy you know." He laughed and a big grin appeared on his face.

  Why wouldn't he understand that I didn't always blame myself? I just blame myself when I had done something wrong, like I always do.

  "Why don't you take this seriously?" I was still angry, and he noticed that. His grin disappeared when he studied me with his gaze.

  "I don't think it's anything to take seriously. You're just being stupid Bella."

  "I am not being stupid! If there is anyone who is being stupid here it's you!" I was going to continue, but he interrupted me by taking to quick steps towards me and then kissing me. I didn't want to argue with him anymore, it wasn't even the reason he came here in the first place.

  I answered the kiss, but not too intensive, I might loose control, you never know. I slowly backed out of the kiss and looked down at the floor. I couldn't meet his gaze, not right now.

  "Let's not argue anything more, ‘Kay?" No, I didn't want to argue anymore now, but he really needs to understand that he shouldn't blame himself.

  "For now" I said and kissed him, now just lightly on the lips. I didn't know if I will be able to leave him then, I didn't have that much self-control.

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