Chapter Three

Feeling Guilty could make you do things, that's right isn't it?

  "Bella!" Alice said and hugged me when she came home from the hunting. I guessed she wanted to know about Jake. She always wants to know.

  "Hi." I said with a tone that obviously wasn't excited and she noticed that. But she didn't care, she were still speeded from the hunting. She always got speeded right after hunting.

  "Tell me" she said and I didn't even have time to sigh before she continued. "Please, You know I don't like being blind." And she looked at me with a look that no one could resist. I sighed loud so she could hear, and then took a deep breath and begun to tell her about the car. It was no lie, I just didn't tell the whole story.

  "I know that there was something else that happened." She accused me, and she was true. There had happened something else.

  "I don't know what you're talking about" I lied. And I don't need her gift to know that she had figure my bad acting lie.

  "You know you're awfully bad at lying, just so you know." Alice laughed. I sighed, I guess I was forced to tell.

  "Do you really want to hear? I don't really want to tell. It is... It is kind of embarrassing." I said. I schouldn't really had said that, Alice just got more interested when I said ‘embarrassing'. I sighed and told her about the kiss with Jake. I guess Jake won't like this.

  "Yes, it's maybe that way. If you two just practice maybe you'll be really good at it. Or maybe it is just you that needs to practice?" She said when I told her about the thought I had earlier this day when I were with Jake, ‘Maybe practise gives skills.'

  "Yes, he doesn't have to worry about what if he would loose control and hurt me; I'm almost unbreakable. But he isn't." I shook my head and looked down at the floor. I couldn't even think about it without feeling guilty. He had been in pain because of me.

  "But Bella, it didn't happen anything this time. Why should it happen the next time? You are too worried about everything, even worse than Esme." Alice said. And maybe I was too worried; it was one time. But no, I can't think that way. Not when it is about Jake. He is my life, or maybe existence is a better word for it. If I only were human, we wouldn't have anything to worry about. No, then I wouldn't have anything to worry about. He doesn't take this seriously.

  "What are you thinking of?" Alice asked when I didn't say anything for a while.

  "Nothing. Everything. I don't know. This is just so complicated." I whined to her. I had never been this pathetic; I'm sitting here and whining to Alice. She has her own problems; I shouldn't make everybody else feel bad because I feel awful.

  "You really do feel bad about this, don't you?" she said and I felt guiltier for making her feel bad just because I feel bad.

  "No. No, I just... You shouldn't..." I couldn't think of anything that could say to her so she would believe me; I was a bad actress, though.

  "You can't keep blame yourself, and you know that. If you want to keep seeing Jake you got to stop this. I guess he doesn't like this either." She said and I felt that she looked at me. But I couldn't look back. I knew she was right. Why would Jake want to stick around if I behaved like this? It's a miracle that he wants to be with me anyhow.

  "You're right. I'm sorry. I will try to change. It's not that easy you know." I said and I felt like I meant it. Because I did, I will try to change, for Jake.

  "I've never said it was easy, but it's good you will try." She kissed me on my forehead and then se left. "Bye, Jasper wants to play a little" and when she said that I could almost me hundred percent sure she smiled. I laughed for myself when I thought about what she meant with ‘play'. Oh.  Oh.

  "Too much information, Alice!" I said loudly to her. I know she heard me.

  When I said that I could hear Alice's and Jasper's laugh on the second floor. I needed to get out of this madhouse, now!

  "Why?" I screamed into the empty forest; it was a storm coming and all the animals where hiding.

  I sat on a fallen tree. It had been laying here for a while, because it was green moss all over the stock. I sat as still as a statue, feeling the breeze and all the smells around.

  I smelled three deer's two hundred metres away from me, but I didn't care. I didn't care that I was thirsty; I needed to think. But maybe if I drank I would be able to think better? I didn't think anymore, I just let my senses take over and I begun to run after the deer's.

  I sat on the fallen tree again with my thirst satisfied, at least as satisfied as it could be with animals, and begun to think, maybe now I could think better.

  Maybe Jake would be better of without me? Maybe he will find a nice girl and get imprinted on her. If I would leave, maybe he will find someone who he could kiss without worrying about if he would have some broken bones. Maybe it will all work out just fine for him, just if I leave him, and my family, too. All vampires would leave and the werewolf's would be gone, too. They wouldn't need to exist, the vampires would leave and they would be normal? I don't know all about the werewolf's, but they don't do either. So maybe he will be normal, get a wife and some beautiful black-haired kids. I saw the picture of Jake and a beautiful woman beside him, looking at two small, black-haired boys playing.

 If I just had the power to stay away from him and never come back again, that could happen, and he would be happy.

  When I begun to ran back to the house I had made up my mind. I would leave him alone. And so would my family, too. We would leave tonight and break the bonds right of.


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Ett nytt kapitel kommer senare ^^