51 Things Emmett Cullen is NOT allowed to do... Four

1. Emmett Cullen is not allowed to superglue a tail and dog ears on Mike...
2. And then put him on a leash...
3. And call him his bitch...
4. And enter him in a dog show
5. Emmett is not allowed to wear Alice's bra like a mask and tell little kids that he is the supervillan 'The Bramanator' and that he will destroy them if they don't pay him 21 billion dollars in kittens and puppies
6. Emmett Cullen is not allowed to give Charlie an irritable grizzly bear for his birthday
7. Emmett is not allowed to refer Edward as Sex Ed
8. Emmett Cullen is not allowed to tell jasper that Texans are hicks
9. Call Carlisle Dr. Carlisle Condom
10. Call Edward's phone and say that the orphanage would like him to donate breast milk
11. Emmett Cullen is not allowed to say he's pregnant and that Alice is the father
12. Emmett Cullen is not allowed to scream "ROAD KILL!" when someone who looks like a squirrel gets hit by a car
13. Emmett Cullen is not allowed to tell mike if he ran around the school naked he could hook him up with Bella
14. Emmett Cullen is not allowed to tell Alice she's fat and needs to borrow Esme's granny panties
15. Emmett Cullen is not allowed to tell the fourth graders to dress up as Union Soldiers and attack Jasper
16. Emmett Cullen is not allowed to serenade Mike in front of the whole school
17. Emmett Cullen is not allowed to attempt to fix Charlie's lack of sex life
18. Emmett Cullen is not allowed to enter a beauty pageant
19. Emmett Cullen is not allowed to write "Jasper loves you too" on the boy's bathroom walls...
20. Or "Edward loves you too"
21. Emmett Cullen is not allowed to shove dog food down Jacob's throat
22. Emmett Cullen is not allowed to blow up any building
23. Emmett Cullen is not allowed to own a Volvo...
24. That really is Edward's thing
25. Emmett Cullen is not allowed to enter American Idol...
26. Or "So you think you can dance..."
27. Because, truthfully, he can't dance
28. Emmett Cullen is not allowed to use glitter and super glue...
29. Especially on items such as Jasper's army uniform, Edward's Volvo, Eric's forehead
30. Emmett Cullen is not allowed to become a bus driver...
31. And drive all the kids off a cliff
32. Emmett Cullen is not allowed to complete the "21 hilarious things to do in Walmart" list...
33. Or any other list
34. Emmett Cullen is not allowed to call Jasper an emotional wreck
35. Emmett Cullen is not allowed to dress up as Jasper for Halloween...
36. And start making out with Edward...
37. Or the real Jasper
38. Emmett Cullen is not allowed to write "Edward can hear you" on the bathroom wall
39.Emmett is not allowed to sing and dance to Single Ladies...
40. Because Joe Jonas was scary enough
41. Emmett Cullen is not allowed to stalk Bella and ask her how it feels
42. Emmett Cullen is not allowed to call himself a unicorn
43. Emmett Cullen is not allowed to jump on Mike in a dark alley
44. Emmett Cullen is not allowed to walk in on Bella and Edward...
45. Or Jasper and Alice...
46. Just don't do it.
47. Emmett Cullen is not allowed to throw Alice in a river
48. Emmett is not allowed to call Alice Queen of the Pixies
49. And force her into a tinkerbell outfit
50 .And finally, Emmett must never call Alice fat

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"Think that should do it?" Bella asked Jasper as they taped the very large list to the wall.
"Bella, you can't be serious. I mean really, how many have we made?" Jasper questioned, making a good point.
"That's like what, number 127?" Alice said as she walked by.
"OH HOLY MOTHER OF GOD! JASPER!" Edward yelled at the top of his lungs from the computer upstairs.
They all slowly stalked up the stairs. On the computer was Emmett's Facebook profile, and his status was:
"Ya know, Jasper is pretty hot for a gay vamp."
Jasper fell backwards at reading the words. Alice and Bella stalked back down the stairs and wrote:
51. Emmett Cullen is NEVER, EVER, EVER allowed to tell anyone that Jasper is a hot, gay vamp.