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 Chapter Eight

When you have something right in front of you, you often don’t notice it.

When I came to Jake’s house I could smell the scent of my family. Why had they been here? And it was just for minutes ago they were here, if not just less than a minute. The scent was fresh and strong, I could smell that Jasper, Alice, Emmet and Carlisle had been here.

  I got that weird feeling in my stomach again when I came closer to the family Black’s house. Why had Jasper and Alice, Emmett and Carlisle been here?

  I knocked lightly on the door; I heard that Jake stood in the hall. So he opened the door in less than a second.

  The boy who I saw wasn’t Jake. At least it didn’t belong to the boy I knew as Jacob Black, this boy’s face was wet and his eyes were red. He had been crying, and that was a sight you won’t see often.

  The pieces came to me as I thought of it, the smell of my family, Jake’s face…

  “What’s wrong Jake?” I asked when he wiped the tears away from his cheek. I had never seen him cry, not even that time when I lost control...

  What had they done to him?

  “Nothing”, He said and I could hear that he still was crying.

 I started to think, was Jake the problem Carlisle talked about? No, how could Jake be a problem?

  “Alice told me to tell you to go home as soon as you got here” He sobered and then continued “Don’t leave. Please, don’t leave me. I love you. Please…” He couldn’t continue, his eyes were full of tears.

  “I won’t leave” I said when I walked up to him and pulled him gently into my arms. “I won’t leave until you tell me to.” Why would I leave him now, when he needed me the most?  “I love you, too.” I took a deep breath and said, “What’s wrong?”

  He laid his cheek on my head. I didn’t manage to figure out what that was wrong.

  “I’m a horrible person. Kill me. Kill me right now; I don’t deserve to live.” He said and backed out of my arms and fell down at the floor. The whole house shook when he collapsed on the floor.

  What is he talking about? He needs to tell me, right now!

  “Jake, I won’t kill you. That’s just stupid. Will you tell me what’s wrong?”

  “No, no, no…” He moaned as the tears fell down on the floor. Now he really needed to tell me, what the hell that is wrong? Did Alice’s vision have anything to do with this?

  “Jake”, I said when I sat down on the floor beside him. “Please tell me what happened when my family was here.” He really needed to tell me. I wanted to help him, to make him stop suffering. If my family had done something to him, then I would kill them!

  “Bella, please, promise me that you’ll like me no matter what.” He said and looked at me with his red, wet eyes.

  What the hell did he mean with that? Like him no matter what? “No. I can’t promise that.” I said and saw his face expression change. He looked terrified. “But I can promise to love you no matter what.”

  When I said that, I saw that new tears fell down his cheek. What’s wrong now?

  “That proves that I’m a horrible person! Kill me. Oh god, please kill me!” He moaned.

  I didn't understand that, what did he mean with that? He hadn’t answered my question.

  “Jake, No one would ever wanna kill you. Please, now answer me; what’s wrong?”

  “Just leave, Bella. I’m not good for you.” he said and looked at his clasped hands.

  “No, I won’t-” I begun but he didn't let me finish.

  “Just leave!” He shouted at me fiercely. I’ve never heard him scream at me before, that was a new.

  “But-”

  “Just leave me alone!” He shouted and I could hear that Billy sighed from the living room.

  “If that’s what you want...” I began slowly to rise. “Then I won’t bother you moore then. Bye”, I said and left him crying. I went out the door. Leaving him like that was the hardest thing I had ever done, I just wanted him to be happy, to stop crying. But if he didn’t want me there… Then I would leave, it that was what he wanted.

  I began to run home while I thought of what they must have said to him, to make him cry and scream like that.

  When I came home everybody sat around the diner table, waiting, silently and perfectly still, for me.

  “Bella, sit down.” Carlisle demanded me when I came in trough the door.

  I felt like I needed to scream. Why did they sit here, perfectly still?

  I went to sit down on my ordinary place beside Alice, but that was already taken by Jasper. He had moved from Carlisle’s side and now he sat beside Alice and Rosalie. I was a little surprised by that, but I didn’t want to think about it.

  When I sat down beside Carlisle I looked out at everybody around the table. They all looked down, except Jasper and Esme.

  Esme looked worried and Jasper just focused on my feelings. I didn’t even know if I felt anything by then, I just felt empty.

  “Bella, I guess you know were some of us have been.” He said and I felt his gaze on me, but I just looked down at the white tablecloth. Esme had picked it out; she thought it would fit in just because the whole room was white. I didn’t really care if it fit in or not.

  Emmett, who was sitting beside me, punched me lightly on the arm. I guess he meant to nice, but he has never been the one who is comforting.

  I nodded as answer to Carlisle’s assumption, I didn’t know if my voice would bear.

  “What did Jake tell you?” he asked still looking at me.

  “Nothing”, I felt how small and hurt my voice sounded. And I did feel like that, I felt small and hurt. He hadn’t told me anything, not even a whisper about what was going on.

  “Well Alice, it’s up to you.” He said and looked at Alice. She looked up, she looked a little confused at first, but then she turned towards me.

  “Bella, I don’t know how to tell you this… But in my vision, well…” She stopped herself and looked down at the table.

  “Well?” I asked and looked at her. When se met my gaze she looked like she didn’t want to tell me, she looked worried.

   “Well, I saw you lying in the meadow, for days, maybe for weeks. And you looked… Hurt.” When she said the last word her voice broke and she looked down at the table again.

  So? Is all this about me lying in the meadow for weeks? But then I came up with one thought, why would I lay in the meadow looking like I’m hurt?

  “So? What does that have to do with Jake?” I asked her. My face was blank, I couldn’t think.

  “Well, Bella. You aren’t his imprint you know...” Rosalie said when Alice couldn’t answer me. I could see Alice look anxiously at Rosalie before I looked down.

  I couldn’t think, what the hell did she mean with that?

  Then the coin fell down. I wasn’t his imprint, and then he will get imprinted on someone else…

  If I would have a heart it would have stopped. Now Jake’s reaction made sense, why he cried, screamed and begged for me to kill him. I would have done the same thing.

  “No…” I whispered. I felt that if I could, I would cry. I wanted to run, run away from everything. Run away from the pain I knew that would bee coming. I wanted to be able to run away from all of this. But I couldn’t move, breath anything or even wink.

  “I’m so sorry Bella” I thought I heard someone say in the background, and I guess it was Esme. But I didn’t care; I just sat there and let the pain overwhelm me.