Chapter Fourteen

‘No, it’s not a big of a deal, I just couldn’t control my own body, that’s not a big of a deal’, I thought sarcastically to myself.

   “Bella, you don’t have to blame yourself.” Esme said when I came in through the door. She was on me like a blood-hound, always with these ‘Don’t blame yourself’ words that didn’t help. But she always meant it to be nice, so I couldn’t get mad.

   “I haven’t even given that much though” I said truthfully, and I begun to feel bad about that, that I hadn’t blame myself. What if it had happen something on that parking?

  Esme saw my facial expression when I begun to think in those areas, so she quickly said something to make me think about something else. “You haven’t been hunting for a very long time, maybe you should…” she begun, but I just held one hand up to silence her.

  “I will go hunt when I need to, and I just haven’t needed to do that lately. And by the way, I wanna know Edward and Carlisle theory.” When I said that I came to think of a thing, I said Edward before Carlisle, witch I had never done before with anyone. And according to Esme’s facial expression she noticed it, too.

  She gave me one long look and then she said, “They’re with Alice in Carlisle’s office”

  “It’s not-” I begun, but she interrupted me.

  “I don’t care. Well, ‘course I care, but you do whatever you feel like.” She turned around. But when she heard that I wasn’t moving she turned around again and looked at me. “Now, go.” She said and pointed up the stairs.

  I nodded and begun to run upstairs, I wanted to meet Edward.

  Then a though hit me, could he read minds from a distance? I felt my own eyes grew bigger, what if he could read Esme’s thoughts…

  I tried to put on a mask, a mask that was calm and peaceful. But it just felt like I made a grimace. I gave out I quiet sigh, when I saw Edward I wouldn’t be able to think.

  When I came in through the door everyone looked at me, it felt awkward, not to Alice and Carlisle looked, but Edward was staring at me. It felt good and wrong, right because it felt like, somehow he could like me, too, but also wrong because I knew deep, deep down that someone like Edward couldn’t love someone like me.

  “Hello, I’m sorry I didn’t get to introduce myself yesterday, I’m Edward. You’re Bella” Edward said and got up from his seat. I wanted to tell him that it was unnecessary to do that, but I couldn’t make a sound come out of my mouth. I couldn’t do anything else than stare at that beautiful statue, he were perfect, from head to toe. And he had remembered my name.

  Alice cleared her throat loudly, and I just moved my gaze from Edward to her. She raised her eyebrows and looked like she was saying ‘say something’.

  I quickly shook of the magic spell that his voice had put on me, I needed pull myself together. “Um, hello, how could you-“I begun, but interrupted myself, obviously he had read the others thoughts and knew everything about me by now. I looked down at the floor, I couldn’t look at him, and he could now my deepest and most embarrassing secrets.

  “Bella, we have some theories about what happened earlier. But we just wanna tell you that it’s okay, no need to blame yourself for this, and nothing happened, so there isn’t anything to worry about.” Carlisle said and made me look at him; he always talked with a voice that made everybody listen.

  “Yes, we do. Please, sit down.” Edward said and made a hand gesture towards the chair he just had been sitting in before I came in. I shook my head, I couldn’t take his seat, for a start, that weren’t very nice, he were like a kind of guest and second, I couldn’t move, so I just stood in the doorpost.

  “Well, actually it isn’t that big of a deal; you know that, don’t you?” Carlisle said and looked at me.

  ‘No, it’s not a big of a deal, I just couldn’t control my own body, that’s not a big of a deal’, I thought sarcastically to myself.

  I looked at Carlisle in disbelief, he always tried to make big problems seem small, but this time he weren’t going to succeed.

  “Bella, stop it, listen to Carlisle, he’s right.” Alice said when she saw my gaze.

  “No, I won’t stop; it is a big of a deal! I was about to attack you, I wanted to attack…” in the beginning I were mad, but then I begun to feel bad about what I had been feeling at the parking. Why didn’t Alice hate me for this?

  “If we tell you that it weren’t your fault, then would you stop being so damn harsh towards yourself?” Edward said and looked deeply into my eyes, I couldn’t look away by then, my eyes had been locked on his.

  Then all-of-a-sudden Alice started giggling, and after not so long she started to laugh, loudly. Carlisle’ head were turned to his side, were Alice stood, but Edward just kept staring into my eyes. His lips were twisted in a beautiful, crooked smile. I just wanted to kiss him, his beautiful lips. Touch his enchanting bronze hair; I just wanted to touch him. I felt the urge to reach out and just touch his hand, just see if he felt as good as he looked, but I stopped myself from doing that, god knows what he would think about me then.

  I could see that Alice were moving her lips, perhaps she were telling Carlisle what she giggled about, but not speaking, and then I heard Carlisle take a deep breath. I had to look at him, just to see if he were surprised or angry, or whatever he could be.

  He didn’t show anything, he just looked at us. I felt a shiver go down my spine; I could almost touch the feeling that something was wrong.

  Carlisle took a beep breath and begun talking, and when he told me that, my whole body got cold and it felt like the room was spinning. This couldn’t happen, not now, not here, not ever.

Förlåt!

Jag vet att det inte kommer nya kapitel så ofta, men jag har nästan aldrig tid..

Men nu på jullovet hoppas jag kunna skriva mycket mer! :D

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