Chapter Five

 I took the letter in my hand and smelled it, I remember that scent. It's my fathers, mixed with Carlisle's and Rosalie's, who made my breakfast for me, according to the scent. I looked at the narrow letters that said ‘Renesmee'. I carefully opened it, and pulled out the letter. My fathers smell overwhelmed me, the tears started to stream down my cheeks. I remember when he held me right when I had came out of my mother, he asked Jake if he could take me, but he said he should throw me out trough the window. Rosalie came and got me then. Then my memories came interrupted by the letter again, I had to read it now.

"Dear Renesmee.

The reason why you are reading this is because you are now fully grown, or you have found where Carlisle concealed it. Anyhow I want to begin by saying both me and your mother loved you very much. Your mother gave her life to you so you could live, and I gave my life to her. A world without her is not a world for me. You should NOT blame yourself; your mother knew the risks, and she would die a million times for you if she could, and so would I."

  I stopped reading when I realized I had cried my covering all wet. How could I not blame myself? I began reading again.

"Please, don't blame yourself. We will look after you everyday, and we do not want you to feel bad for this. This was our choice, not yours."

 I looked out the window as if I would se them outside looking at me, of course didn't I see anything but grey clouds.

 "And another reason why you shouldn't feel bad today is that it's your birthday! I have a present in the envelope, but don't look yet."

 I had started reaching the envelope, but froze in the acting and continued to read.

"I hope there is one more outside, that one is sort of from me to. Just let us hope that they did as I told them in my letter to them. Happy Birthday once again, and remember;

me and your mother loved you tremendously, and we still do. Even though we can't tell you that, you know it deep inside.

Love

   Dad"

I took a deep breath and tried to calm my rushing heart; it usually beated fast, but not as it did now, with no luck. It felt like the time stood still.

 The clear memories of the day I was born, my mother. My mother all covered in blood. It was I, It was I who did this to her. I killed my mother from the inside, it was my fault. Even though dad said in the letter that I shouldn't blame myself, how could I not? I remember that Rosalie came and carried me down to the living room, and starting feeding me with blood. Then after a while Jake came down the stairs with heavy steps, and then Carlisle came home and rushed up to dad and my mother's corp. Jake started to walk faster, more diathermy, as if he had a purpose. Then he came into the living room and I look deep into his eyes, then his face changed from angry and diathermy to happy and relaxed. He continued to stare into my eyes, and so did I. Then Carlisle came down, his face was twisted in grief. He said Bella was gone; there was nothing he could do. Bella had not survived. Esme went to Carlisle and leaned her head on his shoulder and he laid his arm around her. Everyone loved Bella, my mother, who I killed. Then my father ran down the stairs and out the door, no one had the time to even wink. My father was the fastest in our family, no one was faster. Then Alice looked up with fear and pain in her eyes. "No..." She said quietly. "Not again!" she said and looked at Carlisle. He looked back with fear in his eyes, the fear only a father could feel. Emmett started to run after, but Carlisle stopped him by raising his right hand. "No, don't. He has come too far; he will be there before we are even half way," Alice took a deep breath, and everybody's eyes came to land on her. "He will do as he planned to do the last time, and this time it will work,"

 I saw everybody's faces twist into pain, I did not understand at the time, but soon I would know everything about the last time he thought mom was gone. Jasper placed his arm around Alice's shoulders because he could feel what she felt, I wonder how we could handle it; feel sorrow for the lost of a brother and his wife, and also everybody else's sorrow. Alice ran out with Jasper right behind, and I did not blame her, she knows what will happen, and I guessed it won't be nice.

 "No..." Esme said and hid her face in Carlisle's chest. "He can't live without her, and we all know that. He have told us that many times, and shown us it even more times." Carlisle said trying to ease everybody's pain, but it didn't help. No one felt better; they had lost two family members.

 I looked at Rosalie, she looked back and I saw the pain for the lost, but also the happiness of having me. "I will go and clean up upstairs." Esmee said quietly and went to the broom cupboard and got the cleaning supplies. And then she walked up the stairs to clean up after the war against my mother death was, and that war was lost. "I will go help her, she needs help with Bella. We need to try to make her clean and not have the scars after Edward's teeth."  He said and then he was gone the next second. Without knowing what I did, I touched Rosalie's face and asked her what was going on. She looked at me with a surprised face, and then smiled.

"Nothing you will have to worry about."


Sådär  :D Det var femte kapitlet , hoppas ni tycker det var bra :)
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